The Rules: The Way of the Cycling Disciple

“The Rules is entertaining. It is informative. It can be reaffirming (like Rule 12: the correct number of bikes to own is n+1, where n is the number currently owned).”

The Rules is a collection of 91 instructions from the self-styled Velominati, would-be disciples on how to embrace the art of cycling and to live the life of one worthy of belonging to the creed.

There is a big difference between a cyclist and one who merely rides a bike.

I failed on 68 counts in the comparison. To be kind to myself, the odds were stacked against me from the outset. As someone who is sartorially challenged, Rule 18 (Know what to wear. Don’t suffer kit confusion) was always going to be beyond reach. As a proud father of three, Rule 11 (Family does not come first. The bike does) would have brought about an identity crisis. As a once-a-week shaver of facial hair, Rule 33 (Shave your guns [legs]) doesn’t even get to the point of consideration). And as someone comfortably ensconced in midlife without a crisis, the thought of Rule 5 (Harden the F*** up) is enough to make me spill my cocoa.

Potential readers might be dissuaded by the probability of failure. Others might be disappointed by the poor quality of too many of the book’s 34 black and white images. Or what about he feeling of being short-changed by a list that stops short of a nice round number (although the list is now closer to that magic three figures, with the addition of another two rules to its online list at velominati.com). And the often colourful language might not be to everyone’s liking (there are no *** in Rule 5). The uncharitable may smirk at the ironic juxtaposition of the aforementioned shortcomings and the Velominati’s unflinching commitment to impeccable standards on two wheels.

The Rules is must-read material for anyone with any interest in cycling. Whether you are a cycling widow trying to better understand your oft-absent partner, an old-skool cyclist bemused by the contemporary explosion of interest in your world, a new convert wanting to learn more about the traditions of this wonderful sport that has captured your heart, or indeed, a simple sort who just likes riding a bike, Rules has something to offer.

William Fotheringham sets the scene and the five “Keepers of the Cog” provide a helpful, 15-page glossary to assist the uninitiated with the discourse of its 278 pages, in which The Rules are organized into five sections (The Disciple, The Ride, The Bike, The Aesthete, and The Hardmen).

The Rules is entertaining. It is informative. It can be reaffirming (like Rule 12: the correct number of bikes to own is n+1, where n is the number currently owned). One gets the sense that it would be fun to share a double espresso with the Velominati. One would learn a lot and laugh a lot—but not want to be like them.