Bonus Time

“Bonus Time is a novel filled with nostalgia and humor, giving those younger readers a look into how things were decades ago while giving life to three feisty older women who are making the most of their retirement years.”

Senior citizen Glenda Gardner is starting a new chapter in her life. Retired and with nothing holding her down, she decides to leave the cold New England climate and move to St. Simons Island, GA. Accompanied by her Chihuahua-Pitbull rescue named Chickpea, Glenda manages the long drive in Evie, her electric “beach” vehicle. Her spirits soar as she drives, while she belts out “Bonus Time,” a theme song she concocted. She doesn't care if she’s in tune or not. She is excited about her future. 

After an exceedingly long journey and stopping for groceries, Glenda arrives at her new home anticipating the chance to relax. Opening her front door, she spies four college-age females sprawled out in her living room which strewn with potato chips and odors of alcohol and vomit, along with a sugary vanilla air freshener. Are they trying to camouflage the obnoxious scents? Why haven't her tenants checked out? 

Glenda purchased this townhouse ten years ago and used it as a rental, but now, this is her home, and she must evict the young ladies. These sassy gals harass Glenda, so she unceremoniously kicks them out, phones the property manager to have her unit cleaned and to charge her guests extra. 

Anxious to settle in and meet up with her best friends, Jan, and Harmony, she changes clothes and heads out. The trio connected after college, and they all bought units in the development planning for their retirement. When they meet at the pool, they stop at the sign saying the pool doesn’t open till 8:00 a.m. and, no dogs are allowed! They love being up before dawn when no one is around, and how can anyone ban Chickpea admittance? 

Paige, a young homeowner, watches them enter. A member of the homeowner’s association board and she tells them, quite unkindly, to leave because of the canine. This ruffles their feathers, making them decide it is up to them to amend the rules.  

Unable to access the pool at their preferred time, they head across the street to the beach and work on their yoga exercises. Later, at the pool they meet the HOA president—a 60-something guy who struts around the deck flirting with the younger women in attendance. When he observes the retirees, he gives them a huge wink which only grosses them out. This is how their introduction goes: 

“‘Beaufort K. Butts, the third,’ he said. ‘Fourth-term HOA president.’ He threw his arms open wide. ‘I’m a hugger.’

“‘Aaaand we’re not,’ I said.

“All three of us took a step back.”

“He laughed. ‘Love me some hard to get. You little ladies can just call me Beau. Or Mr. President. Up to you.’

“‘Or Butt,’ Jan said under her breath. ‘Butt could work.’

“‘What can I do for you?’ Butt said. ‘Or was one of you lookers just working up the courage to ask me out on a date? Spoiler alert: answer’s yes.’

“Harmony battered her eyes. ‘We’d just like to ask you for an itsy-bitsy teensy-weensy favor, Beau.’

“‘Anything for you, Doll,’ Butt said, speaking directly to her breasts.

“‘We’d be tickled pink,’ Harmony said, ‘if you’d reprogram the remote keyless entry thingamagig on the pool gate to open at 5 AM, just for little ol’ us.’

“‘So,’ Butt said, ‘You’re the dog ladies.’

“Jan pointed to me. ‘She is. The two of us barely know that dog lady. So, if you can do us a solid and get this pool open early for us—’

“‘No can do,’ Butt said.”

Butt further goes on with a litany of excuses why rules are rules. Arguing with him proves to be less than constructive, though he does offer ways he can “be bought”! He is totally obnoxious.

What happens next? The ladies decide the heck with the rules and scale the pool fence early in the morning! As they sit dangling their feet in the water, they reminisce about their past, giving background information about how things were decades ago when they were young; the times and their lives have changed dramatically, yet their memories are mostly happy ones. 

One day as they sit by the pool before dawn, a man unlocks the gate and heads toward them, introducing himself as Dash. A fellow resident comments about the stepladder by the fence, and he asks if their pool keys aren’t working. Then he offers them one of his spare keys so they can use it at any time. He tells them he works for “FLETC,” and their key fobs are programmed to work 24/7.

They decide to bring him cookies and to ask about FLETC. He says FLETC stands for Federal Law Enforcement Training Center where they train several enforcement agencies in a college-like campus. They ask about taking a tour, and he suggests they could work there, to be used in training exercises as bystanders, shopkeepers, etc. Some of the “agents” work for their townhouse development, so they decide to check it out. Glenda questions how being a FLETC member can help to kick Butt's butt. That odious man who robs the development and causes the ladies chaos needs to be brought down a peg or two. Jan says they can pick up new skills, get admittance to the pool whenever they like. The biggest bonus would be to make Butt learn to play by the rules teach him a lesson. 

Bonus Time is a novel filled with nostalgia and humor, giving those younger readers a look into how things were decades ago while giving life to three feisty older women who are making the most of their retirement years.